I once wrote this:
“Woman, do you not know the daughter you raised? You used to be a strong person, and it rubbed off on me. I actually like myself, love myself even. And I don’t ever want to go back to a relationship that painful. Where my opinions don’t count. Where I am not a person, not an equal. Where I am merely a pretty object.”
I sit here, just wallowing. I can’t seem to be able to express myself in the simplest ways these days. I open my mouth to express my opinion and it doesn’t come out. I can’t tell if it is fear or just being tired of fighting? I don’t think it is apathy (mostly because with apathy there is rarely a feeling of pissyness included).
I think it is mostly that I know my opinion won’t be listened to. It will be heard, just as one can hear the mosquito buzzing around their head. But the words will be blocked out to the point where they have no meaning. But really, all I want is an honest answer. Why would you ask for advice when you don’t plan on following it?
